


The Future is for Other Peolple

by SuperChorifly



Series: Alone with Your Thoughts [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Hopeful Ending, Insomnia, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23293639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperChorifly/pseuds/SuperChorifly
Summary: Days could blend in the apartment
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Okumura Eiji's Sister
Series: Alone with Your Thoughts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1675171
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	The Future is for Other Peolple

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mentions of eating disorder.

Days could blend in the apartment. With each other and with the night, especially now that he wasn't sleeping. It created a heavy and nauseating dread on the pit of his stomach, because he knows this feeling, he knows it all too well.

He feels too tired to be productive and too stressed out about not being productive to sleep, so he took naps, uncomfortable and not at all restful, only when his body critically demanded it. Eating was complicated now too, it started with him waiting for Ash to come home to eat with him, sometimes he did come and they shared a quiet meal chatting on and off about anything and everything that came to mind, however, most times Eiji ended up falling asleep on the couch, waiting with an empty stomach and food filled plates resting untouched in the fridge. He would pick at them later, but there was an unmistakable sense of disappointment at having to eat alone. An old nausea began to settle itself back on his stomach, threatening and silent, only pushing back on the ever rarer times Ash or some of the gang came over, they all seemed busier by the day. Eiji just felt a little bit more useless.

His hair had grown beyond any length he had ever allowed it to before and he felt himself grow a bit thinner, but it wasn't until he woke up from a midnight nap, disoriented and famished that it all felt so familiar that a part of him expected to be 17 again in his home in Japan, when he stood up from the bed he expected it to be way closer to a way softer floor, the fancy apartment wasn't that old house and it was quiet, no little sister nagging at him to “just eat, something!” or playing music non-stop, no sound of coughing or retching from his father on his and mother’s bedroom, but all the same the feeling was old, half buried in him but all too familiar, it wasn't until he realized all this that he began to worry.

I'm not like this anymore.

This was a moment in his life, a way to grief a life he no longer had access to, not something that stayed with him, the doctors and pills had helped, but now it's gone, it has to be gone. Because what was he grieving for this time? Sure he was lonely, he missed Ash and Shorter, Max and Ibe-san, he missed the gang, hell, he would settle for Yut-Lung, any familiar face would do, but he hadn’t lost anything, had he?

Eiji was never made to keep still, his grandmother used to yell at him almost as much as she would pamper him, because for all his soft and quiet appearance, he had been an energetic child, he had almost no memory of his childhood where he wasn't running, climbing, playing or just being an annoyingly cheery kid, it was no wonder his parents signed him up for track, pole vaulting just came naturally after, when running in the ground could no longer hold his interest, not when he could be flying. Outside the track it was no different, there were times when he felt he hadn't stopped moving for days, going from classes to practice, to the hospital to see and care for his dad and then to home to babysit his sister while his mom worked, then it was helping his sister with her homework, his homework, dinner, shower, sleep, rinse and repeat.

Keeping still after his injury felt like death, static and empty; physical therapy after felt like fighting rigor mortis, unnatural and so incredibly painful. Staying isolated in the apartment wasn't like death, the dark whole in his head not quite as massive and all consuming, but it was closing in and now Mika-chan wasn't there to talk to, he hardly could bother the kind housewives of the building with the mess he was, not to mention how reckless and dangerous that would be. He had no contact with Ibe-san anymore and Ash...

How petty and self-centered must I be to bother him with my problems, he already carries the world on his shoulders.

The worst part was, he was certain that if he spoke to Ash about this he wouldn't hesitate to help him, right after he finished blaming himself and trying to convince Eiji he was poison and that Eiji should leave for Japan and be safe and happy and leave him behind.

No fucking way.

No way he could leave now, not after everything he had seen, he had to see this through the end and take Ash somewhere safe, so they could finally live. Where he could cook every day and everyday Ash would surely be there, safe and happy, no bloodstains on his clothes and no hollow look in his eyes after a long night, Ash could meet his sister, let him marvel at the grand explosion that was Okumura Mika, maybe they could take Shorter with them too, at least to visit from time to time, or they could come back to New York and see the gang, once the big apple skyline didn't hurt to look at so much. He wanted that, he really wanted that future and he could live through this to get it.

He walked towards the kitchen with intent, and began to cook dinner, maybe Ash would come tonight, maybe he wouldn't, it wasn't for Eiji to know, but he could make himself ready. Maybe Ash would commit something atrocious to be able to get home, maybe something would put him in danger, maybe Eiji was in danger. He had no clue and there was nothing for him to do about that anyway, but he could have dinner ready, he could keep himself alive and sane for that future, for the little sister half a world away who had given so much of herself to keep him going, who had sent him off with joy and hope and an annoying parting gift.

While he ate, for what it felt like the first time in a long while, he desperately wished for a cellphone to call his sister with. "It worked!" he would say as a greeting after months of no communication, "Your dumb gift worked!"- He had found love and he was pretty sure it was requited, "You both are going to get along so well" two of the pieces that formed his heart falling into place.

He didn't have a phone though, not one he could call her with anyway, and they weren't close to that safe, dreamy future, but for tonight Eiji waited, he ate and fought nausea down, he placed a plastic wrapped plate on the fridge with a little note with a smiley face and he went to bed. The next day was the same, he woke, showered, got dressed, stalked the neighboring building with his camera, catching with it every person who went in and out, he took no naps that day and forced himself to eat at least three times.

At night he did his best to fight the black whole, the mess clawing at his insides, he pushes the mess down as best as he can, using every bit of advice his doctor had given him a lifetime ago, when this mood attacked, and he slept. When he woke up it was to sun spilling gold into the room, and a mane of blond hair peaking from below the blankets on the bed beside him. His heart skips a beat, warmth spreads inside his body at the soft rise and fall of his chest and with a smile, Eiji allows himself to sleep for just a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for making it this far! I've decided to make this little fics into a series, more may come, if you liked it please leave a comment.  
> I hope everyone and their loved ones are safe and ok, stay inside! 
> 
> PS: THE canon divergence tag is totally there because here Shorter is and will be alive, thank you very much.


End file.
